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What Is Asexual? – HealthyWomen



Emily Jamea, Ph.D., is a sex therapist, USA Today Best-Selling author and podcast host. You can find her here each month to share her latest thoughts about sex.

As a sex and relationship therapist, I’ve made it my mission to help people feel secure and confident in their sexuality. Most of the time, I work with people to boost desire, cure sexual dysfunction, overcome sexual inhibition or calm compulsive sexual urges.

But sometimes I work with people to help them feel secure and confident about the absence of their sexual feelings — a sexual orientation called asexuality.

In a world hyperfocused on romance, desire and sexual connection, asexuality is often overlooked. But, it’s as valid as any other sexual orientation. Approximately 1% of the population identifies as asexual. And percentages are slightly higher in the queer community, in younger adults and among those on the autism spectrum.

By shedding light on this often misunderstood sexual orientation, we can better understand not only those who identify as asexual but also the infinite nuances of intimacy, connection and love.

What is asexuality?

Asexuality is a sexual orientation where you have little to no sexual attraction to others. This doesn’t mean that asexual people can’t experience love, intimacy or connection. It also doesn’t mean that they’re celibate by choice or want to avoid romantic relationships altogether.

Asexuality exists on a spectrum, often referred to as the “ace spectrum,” which includes different types of attraction, desire and relationship preferences. Some asexual people identify as aromantic, meaning they don’t experience romantic love, while others might form deep romantic connections even though they don’t feel sexual attraction.

People who are “graysexual” may experience occasional or situational sexual attraction, while “demisexuals” require a strong emotional bond before feeling sexual desire.

While some people may feel crystal clear about being asexual, others may find themselves wondering if and where they fall on the spectrum.

Am I asexual?

If you’re wondering if you may be asexual, working with a skilled therapist and using assessments like the Asexuality Identification Scale test can help shed some light on your orientation.

Myths about asexuality

There are a lot of misconceptions about asexuality. One common myth is that asexual people are repressed, traumatized or ‘waiting for the right person.” This misunderstanding diminishes the legitimacy of asexuality as a sexual orientation and keeps harmful stereotypes going. Being asexual is not the same thing as being celibate, sexually inexperienced or uninterested in relationships.

Another common myth is that asexual people can’t have fulfilling relationships. In truth, many asexual people build deeply satisfying connections, whether they’re romantic, platonic or somewhere in between. Like anyone else, asexual people may seek companionship, emotional intimacy and shared life experiences. Some may even engage in sexual activity as an expression of love or a mutual agreement with a partner despite not experiencing sexual desire themselves.

Read: Good Sex with Emily Jamea: The Paradox of Desire >>

It’s important to remember that most components of sexuality are fluid. This means that some people may feel like their sexual orientation, gender identity and preferences change with time. Some people may feel like they fluctuate between feeling heterosexual, bisexual, gay or even asexual throughout periods of their life.

Navigating relationships as an asexual person

A common question about asexuality is how it influences relationships. All healthy relationships begin with honesty and communication, and asexual relationships are no different. If you’re asexual, you may need to have open conversations with partners about their desires and what intimacy looks like for them. This might involve redefining traditional ideas of partnership to prioritize emotional closeness, shared values or mutual support over sexual compatibility.

For asexual people in relationships with allosexual (non-asexual) partners, finding a balance that honors both individuals’ needs is key. This could mean you include compromise, creative expressions of intimacy or exploring alternative relationship structures, such as consensual non-monogamy so that the allosexual partner can get their sexual needs met. Ultimately, there is no one-size-fits-all approach, but with mutual respect and understanding, deeply fulfilling partnerships are possible.

Community is important for everybody, but especially for sexual minority groups. Online spaces such as the Asexuality Visibility and Education Network (AVEN) and local ace meet-ups offer opportunities for connection, validation and support. These spaces remind asexual individuals that they’re not alone and that their experiences are valid and worthy of recognition.

Moving toward greater acceptance

You don’t see a lot of asexual people represented in the mainstream media which can make people who identify as ace feel invisible and alienated. Sexuality is often portrayed as a universal and essential component of human existence, which makes it challenging for asexual people to see themselves reflected in societal norms. This lack of representation can lead to self-doubt, internalized stigma and difficulty coming to terms with their identity.

The good news is that visibility is growing. Acceptance begins with education and empathy. Shows like Sex Education and public figures such as asexuality activist Yasmin Benoit are helping bring asexuality into the conversation. Increased representation helps foster understanding and acceptance. Whether you identify as asexual or are simply an ally, acknowledging and validating this identity enriches our shared humanity.

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What is “sex addiction”? – HealthyWomen



Emily Jamea, Ph.D., is a sex therapist, author and podcast host. You can find her here each month to share her latest thoughts about sex.

When you think of sex addiction, do Hank Moody from Californication or Brenda Chenoweth from Six Feet Under come to mind? How about David Duchovny, who not only played Hank Moody but eventually admitted to his own personal sex addiction? Or Jada Pinkett Smith who admitted that she had battled sex addiction? There are a lot of pop culture and media portrayals of people who well, let’s just say, they’re addicted to love.

But how realistic is the information we’re getting — and is there really such a thing as sex addiction?

What is sex addiction?

“Sex addiction,” also known as compulsive sexual behavior or hypersexuality, is an overwhelming and uncontrollable urge to engage in sexual activities. This can include a wide range of behaviors ranging from excessive masturbation and watching porn to engaging in cybersex or having multiple sexual partners — even when they might be in committed relationships with someone else.

The key element that defines this condition is being unable to control your urges despite these actions harming your personal, professional and/or social life. People with sex addiction often find themselves in a cycle of craving, engaging in the behavior and experiencing guilt or shame afterward, only to repeat the process. This compulsive nature can interfere significantly with daily functioning and overall well-being.

Is sex addiction real?

Despite the popularity of the term sex addiction in the media, it’s important to note that it’s not an officially recognized medical term. And it does not appear in any of the standard manuals used to diagnose and treat medical and mental health disorders, including the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM).

There are several valid reasons for its exclusion, including:

1. There’s not enough research to suggest that the disorder manifests the same way as other addictions (e.g., alcoholism).

2. There’s a high chance of individuals being misdiagnosed due to bias. In other words, a more conservative therapist or physician may be more likely to diagnose someone with a sex addiction compared to a more progressive therapist or physician.

3. There’s concern that its inclusion would impact sentencing for sex crimes. In other words, it may make it easier to get reduced sentencing or an innocent conviction if someone can claim they suffer from sex addiction.

4. Most importantly, sexuality cannot be separated from morals and cultural norms. If we were to include sex addiction in the diagnosis manual, we’d run a risk of pathologizing sexual behavior that others deem completely healthy.

That being said, the World Health Organization does recognize compulsive sexual behavior as a mental health condition — and there is no doubt that many people struggle with sexuality in a way that feels compulsive. There are many reasons why you may be likely to experience out of control sexual behaviors.

1. Biological factors: Research suggests that there may be a genetic predisposition to addictive behaviors. Additionally, imbalances in brain chemicals such as dopamine, which is associated with pleasure and reward, can contribute to the development of compulsive sexual behavior.

2. Psychological factors: Mental health conditions like anxiety, depression and obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) are often linked to sexual compulsiveness. Individuals may use sex as a way to cope with these underlying issues, seeking temporary relief from emotional pain or stress.

3. Social factors: Early exposure to sexual content, experiences of sexual abuse or growing up in an environment where sex was either taboo or overly permissive, can also play a role. Social and cultural attitudes toward sex can influence an individual’s behavior and perception of what is considered normal or acceptable.

Recognizing the symptoms of “sex addiction” or compulsive sexual behavior

Identifying compulsive sexuality can be challenging because sexual behavior varies widely from person to person. However, there are specific signs and symptoms that may indicate there’s a problem:

  1. Preoccupation with sex: Constantly thinking about sex to the point where it interferes with daily activities and responsibilities.
  2. Escalation of behavior: Needing more intense or frequent sexual experiences to achieve the same level of satisfaction.
  3. Failed attempts to control: Repeated unsuccessful efforts to reduce or stop sexual behavior.
  4. Neglecting obligations: Allowing sexual activities to take precedence over work, school or family responsibilities.
  5. Risky behaviors: Engaging in unsafe or harmful sexual practices, such as unprotected sex with multiple partners or sex with strangers.
  6. Emotional distress: Experiencing guilt, shame or anxiety as a result of sexual behavior, yet feeling unable to stop.

If you or someone you know is struggling with out-of-control sexual behavior, it’s important to find a well-trained therapist (and know how to avoid seeing someone who may do more harm than good).

Can you treat sex addiction?

There are several popular “sex addiction” treatment options available, but it’s worth taking a look back at the fourth reason I listed for “sex addiction” being excluded from medical texts — morality. Research shows that 12-step programs or abstinence-based sex “addiction” treatment tends to do more harm than good. Since we don’t have enough evidence to suggest that compulsive sexual behavior should be thought of in the same way as a substance addiction, it shouldn’t be treated like a substance addiction. You can die from drinking too much alcohol. You can’t die from having too much sex. This is where the moral debate comes in.

There’s an emerging area of research looking at the intersection of perceived sex “addiction” and morality. These studies suggest that people are far more likely to label themselves with an addiction if their behavior falls outside their moral compass. If I had a nickel for every client I saw who labeled themselves (or was labeled by their partner) as a sex addict for having an affair or looking at porn, I’d be rich!

Any treatment provider who claims to treat sex “addiction” should be considered with caution. Instead, look for therapists who treat compulsive sexual behavior or out of control sexual behavior and can work with you to examine how your behavior may or may not fit with your moral values. Sometimes it’s worth reexamining moral values to see how changing them can help you feel better about your sexual choices.

Therapists who can assess whether treating underlying trauma, anxiety or relationship issues that can set someone up to experience sexuality in a way that feels out of control offer a more holistic approach.

Human sexuality is complex. In general, society is moving toward acceptance of a wider range of sexuality. By fostering a compassionate and informed approach, we can better support people who are struggling with compulsive sexual behavior and create an environment where recovery is possible. Understanding, empathy and access to appropriate resources are key to helping those affected regain control over their lives and build healthier, more fulfilling futures.

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